the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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