I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
