Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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