i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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