I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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