so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
