I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
