i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
