I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize