and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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