just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
