Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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