My friends, they love my intelligence
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
