aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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