I think my vagina is haunted
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
did i just pee glitter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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