Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
