Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
