It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
pop tarts are not kleenex
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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