I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
