32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
