But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she looked like the before picture.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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