i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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