i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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