do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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