So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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