I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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