is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize