I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
