last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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