I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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