it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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