yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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