look no pants
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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