I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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