Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
