The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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