There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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