We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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