oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize