lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
