i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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