i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize