i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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