someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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