Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
