Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize