i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
