You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
