he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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