respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
