So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
