I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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