Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
