just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no you cant smoke seaweed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
