girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
