I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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