He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
