I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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