I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
