yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
