Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
