Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
