So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
