I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
