drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
