If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
