I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
