i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
