Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Two words: blizzard sex
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
