get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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