They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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