Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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