I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
