I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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