we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
