I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
