i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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