You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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