We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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