You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
