i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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