she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My vagina is very pro this idea
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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