i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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