I want to walk on stilts...naked
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
