I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
