Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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