My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
