i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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