Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
