My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
