I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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